Wednesday, March 31, 2004: Raw Patch O Land

The patch of raw skin that was a blister, then a fountain of life’s red nectar is now an agonizing strip of stinging pain that feels as if it’s the size of Vancouver Island. I have begun to pop anti-biotics to try and keep it from turning totally septic.

The pain combined with the current tropical heat wave has made eating so unpleasant that I just barely bother. And I’ve had NO tea for 3 days. That in itself is a personal tragedy of the highest order.

Sandy seems to have managed to get heat stroke on the weekend. She’s been sickly since Sunday and yesterday went to the doctor. The tropical hot dog sun is a nasty critter.

Running. 9.4 kph now. I am supposed to get up to 12 kph but I think that’s a few months away. I haven’t really been in the mood to run this week but I force myself to anyway.

This weekend I am supposed to get my passport stamped. I am undecided as to whether to go to Poipet or somewhere more pleasant. Which would be anywhere.

I received two great emails today.

One was from Sandy Moon and featured at photo of her and Sunniva all mangled up at Sunni’s birthday shindig.

The other was from my long lost TMYC pal and former star of a TVO production… The one and only Reena Readalong. I did a Mr. Bone’s dance around the room upon receiving that.

Well.. now it’s time for me and Boot to go run up Currahee.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004: Spitting Blood and Other Stories

HOT??

Is it HOT??!!!

You know how Hollywood depicts the ol' South? Where you've got a man sitting on the porch with a hound dog that doesn't want to move? If the man is white he'll have a shotgun or if he's black he'll have a guitar... And it's HOT. You know the shack has no A/C so the man and the hound dog just sit there unable to really move... Well it is now THAT kind of hot. Except I have to move. I have to walk around in it. And on the weekend I went to the floating market with Sandy in it.

She's doing a final school project which is a slide/multimedia thing on the khlongs and life there on so she spent two days running around the floating market snapping pictures. We had intended to take a boat to the snake farm but unfortunately the time was changed and we missed it. So instead I followed her around feeling very grumpy due to heat and hunger.

And speaking of hot.

We eventually went back to her sister Pepper Spray's and walked over to the restaurant next to the khlongs. Sandy's sister Pooh and her nephew Pet joined us. It was a bit cooler by the water and we sat and watched stuff float by. Sandy ordered some tom yum soup which was so spicy they sent it back. When the less spicy soup came it tasted the same to me. Pet and I could barely stand to eat it but at the same time couldn't resist not eating it. We also ordered several plates of stuff including my favorite breaded shrimp. Unfortunately the second plate of shrimp was fresh out of the fryer and in my enthusiasm for them I managed to burn the inside of my mouth to a degree never before experienced.

After lunch Sandy, Pooh and Pet's Dad went to the area near the Snake farm by car. Sandy needed some photos of the Wat there. I was too hot so I fell asleep on the couch for several hours. I woke in time to walk with Sandy, Pet, Pooh and Pepper Spray through the little neighborhoods surrounding the near by khlong. It was close to dusk and quite beautiful.

After dark we all sat outside. The air was really nice and cool compared to the heat of the day. The trees were full of crickets chirping, and I got into a big conversation about what they were called in English. Pepper Spray had some portable bug zappers that were fun. They were basically electrified tennis rackets that zapped what ever insect they came in contact with. Pet ran around with his like any 8 year old boy would. We all sat and waved them around killing the much hated "yung" (mosquitoes). Pepper Spray gave Sandy and Pooh facials and I was also convinced to get one, much to their amusement. Sandy and I headed back to the Redoubt at around 9pm.

Once back we settled down to watch a movie and about 20 minutes into it I felt something weird in my mouth. I put my finger in and when I withdrew it I saw it covered in blood. I went into the bathroom and proceeded to start spitting out what seemed to be endless amounts of blood. At first I wasn't sure where it was all coming from. Then, looking in the mirror I could see that I was bleeding from the roof of my mouth. When I burned myself it must have blistered up badly and now it had broken. It was awful. For nearly half an hour I spat blood. Sandy came in at one point wondering where I had disappeared to so suddenly and found me spitting away into the sink.

"Maybe I need Doc Roe..."

She looked understandably horrified until I explained where it was coming from. Then it was on to rinsing the mouth with salty water. Something I am still doing today. Eventually the blood stopped but now it really hurts and eating isn't a pleasant thing to do.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004: Seasonal Change

Well the 7-11 is back in service. They changed the layout slightly making it less congested inside. The sliding door is great although it seems to be activated when you are still 20 feet from it.

It's hot.

Hot season is approaching now.

I am not complaining about that either. Just letting you know.

Monday, March 22, 2004: But Which Parts?

"Israelis warned by War on Terror Authority in Jerusalem to stay clear of favorite Passover holiday destinations, Egyptian Sinai and Istanbul, as well as parts of Bangkok, 2 Philippine islands and Kashmir. Authority head Avi Arditi cites specific intelligence of planned terrorist attacks."

Yeah but which parts?
Oh well. I'm safer here than I was in Manila.

Bonhomme and I went to this big tech trade show on the weekend where Sandy was working. We wandered around, checked stuff out, Bonhomme sent out random photos from his blue tooth phone and we had a good laugh at a booth which sported the name T.I.T. Technology. I bought 50 blank cds for 340 baht (about 10 bucks Canadian) and afterwards we dragged Sandy off to a Cajun restaurant. Explaining "Cajun" was interesting. Bonhomme gave a pigeon English history lesson and I used Bubba from "Forrest Gump" to explain shrimp gumbo.

I also found myself saying, "Remember Doc Roe? Well he was Cajun..."

Sandy was less than impressed, especially by the corn bread. Then generally she's no fan of Farang food.

Saturday, March 20, 2004: Second Winds

The 7-11 is looking like it's almost finished. They gutted the place then re-did it all, painted and last night the staff were putting stuff back in order. It looks as though they've installed an automatic sliding door which is great considering many times I was almost smashed in the face by some fat tourist swinging the door inwards as they entered while I was trying to exit.

It will soon be time to move the DROP-D hosting. The site will remain but I am not inclined to pay 350 bucks to the current host for what others will do for 100 bucks. I am not sure why the current host hasn't thought of that.

Sandy has been alternating between work and Exams this week.

I am now trying to work up from 3 kms to 4 kms. It is not just the distance, the challenge is doing the increased distance in the same amount of time. When I started this I was doing 1.5 kms in 20 minutes. Now i'm running 3 kms in the same amount of time. The first 10 minutes are the worst, but then suddenly something happens and its all okay. I'm not sure if this is what they call "second wind" or not. I always associated that with my older Brother drinking too much coffee.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004: Seven Under Construction

There was a time, long ago, before I was beaten over the head with the cold shovel of reality that I hated all things big and American. This was of course because I was small and Canadian. It was my birth-right to bitch and complain if some large (successful) Yank chain store or coffee conglomerate opened up an appendage in my neighborhood. I could get in a big kafuffle about it and whine on and on in the safe cozy environment of my safe cozy first world. A place where I could line up all my righteous notions and simple explanations in perfect order like volumes of Hardy Boys novels on kid’s book shelf. It didn’t matter if the American chain was doing it right, and providing good product or service. All I cared about was that it wasn’t Canadian.

Yep, I had it all figured out. I knew the problem and I had all the answers. All you had to do was ask me.

Then one day I moved to Manila and was I ever glad to see a Starbucks!

I’m not going to go into a long winded rant about what and why has changed. That would be almost as boring as 90 percent of the opinions I had in 1999. The reason I even mention it at all is to make you understand how I can be upset that….

THEY ARE RENOVATING THE 7-11 AND I AM FORCED TO GO TO FAMILY MART!!!

I suspected (and it has been confirmed) the reason that the 7-11 next to Fresh Milk (Now called “Little Hut Thai Food”) was all boarded up was because every year during rainy season the floor of the place is submerged in an inch of water. Amazingly someone decided that a renovation and waterproofing was in order and the work has begun.

Right next to 7-11 (which most Thai’s just call “Seven” because they can’t pronounce “Eleven”) is Family Mart. It’s part of huge chain in Thailand and a place I am dislike going. They have most of the same stuff but not quite, and the staff are strangers to me. Remember I’ve going to the 7 for 3 years. They know me and my bags of sunflower seeds.

Family Mart is suddenly seeing more business than they can recall as they are the only choice on this side of the street. The staff are overwhelmed. I wonder if they miss those easier times when they didn’t have to contend with huge line ups and a Farang who’s got 4 packs of sunflower seeds and 4 bottles of soda water.

Soda water! Another reason I don’t like to go there. I prefer the Singa soda water to the Chang Brand that Family Mart carries.

Sandy says the renovations should be done in a week. I find that difficult to believe.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004: Good Honking At Midnight

I got sick last night. I’m not sure why though. Yesterday I ate where I usually eat, drank what I usually drank, went to the gym, ran 3 kms as normal, did all the torture stuff then headed back to the redoubt. Nothing unusual on the way, just a typical Monday except that about an hour after I got home…

I started feeling funny.

Sandy got home at around 8:00 pm with a couple of movies. I watched then with her and her sister Julian but I was feeling grim. Sandy kept trying to get me to eat an orange but I suspected that I’d be Hooah later so acid things like oranges were out of the question. I did have some rice soup which I figured would be easier to bring up if it came to it.

Which it did.

About half an hour after we went to bed I felt that undeniable calling. That tightness in the throat that says… YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES TO REACH SAFE MINIMUM DISTANCE… Seconds later I was talking to God on the white porcelain telephone.

Sandy came in after me and sort of hovered over me while I made the call. I felt 80 percent better once it was through.

Today I woke up late and felt dehydrated and weird. I’m not sure if running is in order today or not.

Monday, March 15, 2004: Boats Buffets and Big C

Saturday night Sandy and I went with some of her family for a three hour cruise up and down the Chao Phraya River. There was a buffet and some band playing what was advertised as “light” music. They did a version of The Beatles’ song “Fool on the Hill” that stumped me while I was filling my plate with spaghetti. I kept thinking what is this song?… what TV show is it from?… Then it hit me what it was. “Fool on the Hill” done in the style of the theme to The Love Boat.

I love boats in case you don’t know that yet. I love being on them, and I love sitting on them as they roll along some faraway foreign place… The ride took us past lots of the local must sees, some of which I’ve seen but never from this angle. We went past the Grand Palace and various temples including the impressive Wat Arun or Temple of the Dawn. There was also a really cool looking Chinese temple that stood out in its style from the Thai Temples. We went past the King’s Royal Barge garage or boat house or what ever you call it as well as the old palace of King Rama 4 whom many Thais pray to.

The food was typical buffet food. I DJ’d far too many weddings and Christmas office parties to really get worked up over buffets. I was just glad to have as much spaghetti as I wanted. It was nice to sit and look out over the rail at everything going by. The breeze was nice and cool as well, something you appreciate after being here for a while.

Sandy got stink eye from some uptight Farang woman. She went up to the dessert table with her sister’s husband Mike who’s in his 50’s and the prude must have assumed she was Mike’s date. Sandy thought this was pretty funny. I think it proves what Mrs. Falbo once said about “making an ASS out of U and ME”.

And speaking of asses…

The absolute highlight was watching this huge line of barges being pulled past us by a tug boat. Suddenly everyone noticed that on the deck of one of the leading barges some guy was naked except for a pair of really ratty old gonchies and was soaping himself up and having a bath. We all began laughing, cheering and waving much to the amusement of bath boy’s crew mates.

I dragged Sandy up for the last dance which she was surprisingly shy about. I thought with all her ball room lessons she’d want to show off or something. The woman at the dessert table may have been to blame though as she was suddenly self-conscious about our size difference. I told her I didn’t care what a bunch of European tourists thought.

Sunday was a lazy day except for the fact that Sandy had an exam today and that we needed to go to Big C. We walked over stopping at Pantip (hurray! They’re selling pirate software again!!) and to World Trade (Squid!!). Sandy had left her mobile at the redoubt so I was faced with this whole problem of “losing” her. Normal when we go shopping and she can’t be seen I can just call her.

One of the fish is dying. It seems to have the same navigational problems as the last one that croaked. It drifts up and gets stuck on the filter system or it swims around sideways or it floats upside down like the Poseidon Adventure. Sandy’s been saying it will die soon but we said that about the other one for 3 months. Its weird that suddenly I am searching the internet for information on goldfish! who'd have thought.

Friday, March 12, 2004: Pepsi Degeneration 2: The Baffling

Ooooh… The internet is a marvelous thing. You can download advertisings! And who’d think you’d want to do that? And who’d have thought I’d do that. But I did. And oh how I was… baffled.

The Y2K bug may not have affected the computers of the world and resulted in apes ruling the planet but it must have had some effect on the collect imaginations of all advertising firms. Or at least the one Pepsi hired.

I downloaded the We Will Rock you thing and what that what? They ripped off not one but two movies that came out in 2000. “A Knight’s Tale” which features a bunch of spectators at a joust singing the Queen song “We Will Rock You”… and of course Ridley Scotts “Gladiator” which was as I recall a big hit. Okay a C- for originality but how did they score on execution?

Boynce is fit. Not ninja fit but a truly attractive woman to be sure. Britney is well Britney and Pink is not Lena Lovich. Enrique looks sort of stunned through the whole thing as if he just woke up and can’t figure out what drugs he took or how he got from his Dad’s catamaran to the Coliseum…

I don’t get what any of the ad has to do with Pepsi, or why Pepsi has decided to use the arena where blood thirsty crowds watched people hack each other to death and half time entertainment consisted of feeding people to lions and the whole place was lit at night by burning Christians as a place associated with it’s product. Perhaps they are unaware of those minor historical details. Or perhaps next year they’ll have the Nuremberg rally.

Over all those it’s pretty damn forgettable. Not as ridiculous as the poster campaign but still pretty silly. There’s an amazing amount of press on the release of the ad though. That is really curious. You would think by the way they are all ranting on about it that it was some ground breaking movie or something. It’s clearly not ground breaking since as I’ve already pointed out they stole the idea anyways.

Oh well I hope they had fun making it. And I hope Enrique finds his way back to the catamaran.

Thursday, March 11, 2004: Pepsi Degeneration

I have never been a drinker of Pepsi. My reason isn’t some sort of ethical one nor is it based on some deeply held convictions about what is healthy. My reasons are much simpler. If I am going to drink carbonated sugar water it better taste good, and cola in my view for the most part doesn’t taste good. (The acceptation to that being Pop Shop Cola…) I’ll take an orange pop or a root beer or a Brio or a soda water over a cola any day. And I’ll take a cup of hot tea over anything anywhere any time. My point being the cola wars to me are a sad spectacle of futility. I don’t care which side wins but I’m amazed at how much money they throw at the process.

Pepsi seems to have launched some weird ad campaign which sports the tag line “We Will Rock You”. How will they rock me? Apparently by having some big stars dress up like “Clash of the Titans” characters. Now I understand that there is a TV commercial to go with this campaign but some one failed to coordinate the playing of the ad with the plastering of the posters all over the BTS. So you must understand my confusion and amusement at seeing Enrique Iglesias all decked up as Julius Caesar while stepping off the sky train. Later I was confronted with a huge mural of him with Britney Spears, Beyonce and Pink in slinky Xena outfits.

What could all this mean?

When I think of a good Pepsi commercial I think of the one where Michael Jackson’s head caught on fire. Although I guess they cut that part out. But that would be good to see. (Now I think he’d melt…) I understand that the big Cola companies have to pay huge bucks to Stars who I personally don’t understand why they are famous to sell the drink that I don’t understand why anyone drinks. I’d be shocked if they picked stars who I didn’t want to see catch on fire. So I can see why they’d get Britney. She’s the perfect example of how uninteresting the music scene is now with her pitch corrected singing and her tarty headline grabbing antics. Her name appears on MSN every time I check my hotmail as if she’s some one of importance.

She’s not.

Enrique Iglesias is also a mystery to me. I understand that being the offspring of Julio Iglesias would allow you some clout in the music business but at the same time I’d think that having Julio as a Dad would make everyone except for the wives of some South American dictators completely dismiss you. (If not laugh in your face) I know it made me dismiss him. And I continue to dismiss him each time I see one of his sappy-ass sacarine tear-jerking videos. Enrique the macho on a motorcycle, Enrique the tragic getting his ass whooped by that drunken bum Mickey Mouse’Rorke. Every time I see his videos I’m reminded and amused by the memory of his Father Julio’s video from the 80’s where he’s singing George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” on the deck of a catamaran to some scantly clad Mediterranean ladies.

Boyonce I have no opinion on. I know she’s a big R & B star now, but I couldn’t tell you if I’ve ever heard her sing or seen one of her videos. She’s certainly the most attractive of the bunch.

And Pink? How did she get in the ad? They must have had some money left over or something and thought “what the heck”. I don’t have anything against her really. William Orbit did some cool stuff with her but then he made Madonna sound good. She’s sort of poom pui in a way. You can tell that if she didn’t work out 18 hours a day she’d be a chubster… but I like that about her. It makes her more real, unlike the plastic fantastic-ness of Britnoid.

We Will Rock You?

How do you get four stars so un-rock and stick them in toga party gladiator outfits and then put the title of the Queen song “We Will Rock You” as the tag? Whether you like them or not you must agree none of them could rock anything. Enrique certainly couldn’t even rock his Dad’s catamaran. Pink might possibly sort of rock you in a Wendy O. Williams on prozac and valium kind of way. She’s punk in a college dorm style. A female folk singer with an electric guitar and a few peircings, but that’s as far as you can go. Nina Hagen she’s not.

Rock me? Lester Bangs must be spinning in his grave.

Well I’m glad its Pepsi’s money not mine.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll look up the ad that goes with this on the internet and see if it makes any more sense than the posters do. I ‘m sure it doesn’t. In the mean time I’ll just hum “My Sweet Lord” and wonder if anyone thinks I’m humming “He’s So Fine”…

That reminds me, I have to go to Marks & Spencer to get some proper tea bags.

Sunday, March 7, 2004: Barenaked Homesickness

I picked up “Barenaked in America” which is the rockmentary/concert footage of the Barenaked Ladies 2000 Stunt Tour. Being from Toronto I can recall when these guys busked in front of the Eaton’s Centre and when their first indie-cassette outsold Micheal Jackson at the Toronto HMV outlet. It was great to watch although it made me brutally homesick for Toronto.

Having been away for so long one thing that really stands out to me now is the Canadian accent. The Ladies would slip in and out of it. They talked “normal” when addressing the audience or the camera but once they began talking amongst themselves or got onto the topic of hockey, out it came.

The other thing that struck me was how much more of a live act they are. I like their music but listening to their CD’s you only get about 70 percent of them. Watching them live however its another matter. They are currently touring North America. Sadly I doubt they will make it over to this side of the world.

But think about it. I am on the other side of the planet and I can buy a live concert disc of the same guys who used to play at Lee’s Palace down the street from where I lived. Not bad for a bunch of guys from Scarborough.

Friday, March 5, 2004: Osama Bin Mud Flap

Yesterday it was back to Poipet on a visa run. We left at 5:30 am to avoid the rush that we got tangled up in last time. It’s nice actually at that time in the morning. The air is cleaner and it is nice and cool. The check point stop was pretty laid back this time. It was just the regular soldiers and they didn’t even bother with us really.

The crossing was uneventful. Poipet is a filthy place though and for some reason the stink of the place was worse this time than others. On the way back the Thai customs guard barely looked at my passport. She was busy gabbing to the other guard. Stamp stamp and I was back through.

The only thing worth reporting was seeing the strangest mud-flaps of all time. Mud flaps are a popular item on the big rigs here. There is a certain macho-cowboy culture here amongst the truck-drivers. You will commonly see Al Pachino, Stallone or some local rockers image on the mud flaps of a truck, but yesterday was the first time I’d even seen Osama Bin Laden mud flaps. Sadly I didn’t have my camera with me.

I can’t imagine having Osama on your container carrying truck would speed you through any check points these days.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004: Rambo verses The Hanson Brothers

I found the first Rambo movie “First Blood” on disc for cheap cheap. I bought it and watched it, largely because it was filmed about half an hour from where I lived from 1982 until 1984. The town that Rambo goes on his rampage in is in fact Hope, B.C. where my sister Maralyn lived until she passed away in 2002.

It was a so-so late 70’s style movie. Not as ridiculous as the two sequels where Rambo wins the Vietnam war with a crossbow, and where Rambo fights the Russians with the Taliban. Still ridiculous though, but on a lower budget. It was good to see Hope, and it was good to see as it was in the earlier 80’s. Not that I feel a great deal of nostalgia for that time.

One thing that kept popping into my head as we watched it was how much the production values looked like “Slap Shot”. It’s as if they were shot by the same documentary film crew. The more I think about it the more I think that in reality John J. Rambo was on his way to meet up with the Hanson Brothers to catch a bus to join the Chiefs. He would have helped a great deal. He could berate Paul Newman on his pasty skinny old man legs and whipped the whole team into better shape.

I was shocked to see that the red-headed guy who was the cop on the original NYPD Blues TV show was in First Blood. You may or may not know his name. I don’t. I only saw a bit of NYPD Blues in 1994 before my crazy room-mate stole the TV remote to prevent me from watching it. You might remember this guy as Russell Crowe’s side kick in “Proof of Life”. Anyways he’s in it, and he looks about 16 years old.

Anyways, Rambob blows up stuff real good, delivers a terrible speech that is hard to understand due to the punch-drunk style of acting. There is a segment of it where he’s yelling about “who are they to judge me unless they went through what I did” that sounded an awful lot like something Emeniem would say.

The Coronal guy who comes to get Rambo also made some pathetic speeches and delivered them in the most cliché manor imaginable. It’s strange to see where some clichés begin.

The best actor really was the fat cop guy.

(Don’t you love how I half-heartedly review a mediocre movie 20 years after its made?)